Annie learns some gratitude

They're puppy German Shepherds!
The Mum looks just like my Meg, bless.

Things working well right now:

• Doing 2 things I enjoy a day
• Exercising
• Getting back into listening to the Pacifica app's podcasts on Anxiety while exercising

Things not working well right now:

• Trying to understand "doing 2 things you enjoy a day" does not mean "buying 2 things off EBay"

I can't remember why I stopped doing the "2 things a day" concept in the first place but it's working really well.

 I started thinking about this homeless woman S and I passed on the street when we were in Melbourne a couple weeks back for OZCC. We were walking down from our hotel and this woman I'd age at 45ish was sat on the street with a little dog on her lap. My gaze automatically went to the dog & I thought it was pretty sweet that though she was obviously freezing cause I was freezing & I had a huge ass coat on, she was using most of her blankets to cover the dog up. She saw me looking & smiled & said hey, how are you, so I replied & gave her whatever was in my wallet. She told us both to have a good night & I didn't think more about it until we went out the next night & she was in the same spot, dog wrapped up again. This time she said she hoped we'd both had a lovely day.

How can this woman who has almost nothing have such a pleasant attitude? God forbid I was homeless I would have the worst attitude, I'm sarcastic & foul mouthed enough now. I'd be that Cat Lady from the Simpsons. I probably wouldn't be as pleasant or hopeful either.


When I got home to my own bed I thought about how lucky I was to have a bed and a roof over the bed, about how lucky I was there were people I loved inside the house, about how full my stomach was and how if I wanted more food I'd be able to get it easily. About how in the morning I would have a hot shower & more food, get in my own car & drive & the fact that if I needed petrol I'd be able to pay for it. She really made me think about how blessed & rich I was. I wish I'd had more in my wallet to give her.

Then I saw the most adorable boy in a Compassion advert. I sponsor quite possibly the most beautiful little girl in the world, Aminata, through Compassion so I follow them on Facebook to read updates (I'm sure she's going to be an artist when she grows up because every letter I get she draws these adorbs oxen. I also just really love the fact that she chose an ox as her favourite animal, she reminds me of me. I used to carry around this huge blow up dolphin for years when I was little. It turned out it was never a dolphin, it was a blow up plane from Lauda Air. I wondered why it had no air hole) They'd posted a photo of these 2 little boys smiling and one of them, my word, his little smile. It lit up the room and he had the chubbiest baby cheeks to go with it. At first I thought the hell's he smiling about,  then saw it was because the Compassion Centre he was at had just got new soccer balls. That's all it was, maybe 8 soccer balls. But this kids' face was like you'd given him an entire arena to kick about in, the happiest little chap you ever did see.

I felt quite guilty again for tweeting that I felt the way I did last week when clearly my life circumstances are nowhere near either of these guys. I know that's the nature of Anxiety, that it's irrational, that it's neurotransmitters in the brain messing about no matter where or who you are but I still felt like I'd been very selfish. Maybe that's the nature of it, maybe it is intrinsically selfish but I feel like these two things came back to me to remind me just how blessed and lucky I  actually am. So I had a scuffle with a friend in person, at least that friend is still alive, at least we both have beds and food and money. I don't want to be angry anymore, I want to be thankful for what I have. As for this friend well, alls I can do is show love isn't it? All I have to answer for is my own behaviour and I'd like to think after these 2 experiences that my own behaviour would be a little more grateful and a little less inclined to slide down again.

I decided as well as my 2 things strategy that I wanted to add something I'm grateful for each day. Hopefully it works as well as the 2 things! Excercising has been good for me too, I forgot how much I enjoyed running with my dogs or how good it was to listen to one of the Pacifica podcasts while running.

Thanks for sending in some of your suggestions for what you do! I loved reading them and I hope they continue to help you. I have a really cool friend I met on Contiki called L and she shared this poem on her page after the untimely death of the lead singer of Linkin Park. I think it's beautiful and I hope you stick it somewhere you see it often

Walt Whitman